The Election Year Has Begun...oh Shit

So, I'm stumped. I am not a very savvy follower of politics, however, this election means so much to me. I look at my kids and start to understand that this election really, truly *means* something to me.

In 2000, I traveled the world, carefree, freaked out about how selfish and shitty I saw America to be. Somewhere between Izmir and Dubai the election nightmare of George Bush and Al Gore happened. My own personal politics aside: I was forced into defending my country. People laughing out loud in languages I didn't need to understand to get the joke; headlines blaring the complete lameness of our election system; standoffs on CNN International that would determine my daily safety. Fuck, it sucked. And I had filed an absentee ballot earlier, my candidate not even in the running.

By the time I got to Singapore, it became clear that the US had no leader. No one was elected. No one was President. Sure, Clinton was still in office, but it was a joke to the International community. People openly mocked America. I vowed to never, ever pay taxes in a country that could elect George Bush with an Attorney General who claims to speak in tongues. I was horrified.

But then it happened. I began to defend my country in a way I didn't know I had in me. I started talking to Muslim women, Australian old men, Singapore-based businessmen, frankly anyone who would listen. And this was my mantra: I LIVE IN A FREE COUNTRY. I LIVE WHERE WE CAN VOTE. AND THIS DEBATE OF OWNERSHIP IS DEMOCRACY AT ITS FINEST. SHOW ME A MORE DEMOCRATIC COUNTRY AND I WILL LIVE THERE.

I won a shitload of battles that way. I was an American abroad. That shizzit really moved me then. By the time GW Bush was re-elected, I'd lost my spunk. Two small children, a war, dwindling savings... it just seemed like the neverending black cloud. I could not have been happier when Bush's ratings began to fall... and never more freaked out. What were those dozens of people in two dozen open-air cafes, convinced of my passionate democratic position doing now?

Last year, just as I began to buy into the IHateBush, BringThemHome philosophy complete with the Bush Countdown to Exist Whitehouse Calendar, I was reminded of my passion for the democratic process when I realized that a Black Man and a Woman were true potential future leaders of the US.

I told La Gringa that if either of them got the nomination, I would quit my job and volunteer, knocking door-to-door, begging for one single, solitary vote.

So here we are. Obama and Clinton, head-to-head... and me, wondering where I stand.

As a woman, I feel a responsibility to put passion and support behind other women. Sound lame? Well, I've watched my own mother transform near whores into classy, thoughtful, loyal executives...all in the spirit of women supporting women.

As a believer, I feel the passion and yearning to vote for, support and believe in Obama. I love his youth, it reminds me of Kennedy. I love the crap shoot of someone inexperienced but smart and full of desire. I want a black president so bad it's not funny. Not to mention, an Obama '08 bumper sticker would be rad. A Clinton one? Eeek.

My problem is this: if I wanted a woman in office, it would be Nancy Pelosi. If I wanted a black man in office it would be Colin Powell. There are no two ways about it.

So, do I want a chick in office, or a black dude in office? Yeah, I do. But I want the *right* chick in office; the right black dude in office.

...and as we begin the real race to save our country, I am completely fucking wigged out about what to do.