A Fear Turned to Fantasy

Before I had kids I got OCD on research: What are the psychological ramifications of a sperm donor child (known versus unknown donors); what are the potential future pitfalls; How much should I put aside for therapy; Is having a sperm donor child a selfish act; morally wrong?

I spent 11 months running scenarios, reading research (I kept a huge box of research in my garage until about a year ago), investigating options. I would run an idea for weeks on-end. What if I had a boy? Who would teach him about boxers versus briefs? What if I had a girl? Who would take her to Father/Daughter dances at school?

Both of these topics became reality in the past couple of months. I took my son to Macy's with the giant underwear-clad mannequins and went through them one-by-one, talking about the differences in a snug Willie fit versus a loose Willy fit and whether or not his male family members wore boxer-briefs. The fear I'd had was nothing more than a pack of SpiderMan tighty-whities a pair of stripped boxers.

Perhaps more sensitive for me was the upcoming Father/Daughter dance. When I saw the sign go up at school, I felt my face get hot. Immediately, the Things were asking what it said, and before I could tell them, they read it themselves. I didn't have time to catch my breath or get my much practiced replies about "Father/Daughter" stuff I'd simulated years ago. My daughter was jumping non-stop and blurting out, "I can take Granddad! I can take SuperH! I can take Uncle R! I can take Thing 1!" The entire way home in the car, she weighed which of her men would be the best suited for a Western Ho-Down in the school cafeteria. It was decided before I pulled in the driveway: Granddad, it was.



After so many years of fear -- the kind of cold fear you can't shake -- of how my daughter would tackle these kinds of events, it was her smile popping out of the car that turned my fear to fantasy.

"Mom!," she screamed while jumping and leaping and bouncing out of her cowgirl outfit, "Granddad and I had a BLAST!!!!!!"

Fears turned to fantasies in the hand of my children.

Making a Break for It

Cost of two bottles of Children's Advil : $18

Cost of new thermometer at 4:45 a.m.: $12

Cost of Urgent Care per child; $20 x 2

Cost of Prescriptions per child: $20 x 2

Cost of bottle of S2 wine to survive kids having Strep Throat: $27.95

Cost of escaping with kids to the beach to blow it all off: Priceless

Thing Family Resolutions

La Gringa Thing:
1. Run at least one day per week.
2. Have more fun with Mommy Thing.

Mommy Thing:
1. Run six 1/2 marathons in 2009 (one more than 2008); one of them under two hours.
2. Take yoga weekly, if possible. Learn to integrate it into my life.
3. Try not to be so cranky in the evenings when the day is done.

Thing 1:

1. To run more than I ride my bike. Run a race or two.
2. To give some of my toys to Goodwill all year long.

Thing 2:

1. To not complain as much.
2. To take my dance classes

In a Flash

In a flash of light, life passes before me. Today was an exceptional day.

We woke this morning to happy booming children, footy pajamas, smiles. In a flash, the phone rang. @La Gringa's grandmother died in the night. Although not very close to her Grammy, the reminder of life and death came through the phone with my mother-in-law, stable, calm and sad. Mexican families mourn more outwardly.

By Noon, my son was in tears. A boy didn't want to be his friend. Why? Because. That's all. In a flurry, the rush of emotions came over my boy and the other sweet boy. Then, in a flash, the boys were playing again. Do boys rebound that quickly from pain? I took a few more hours to recover.

At 4 p.m., In a flash, I find out that a woman I know now sleeping in her car with her 5-year-old son. The economy, she says, did her in. She lost the room she was renting. They are *physically* cold. I have never been so embarrassed about having a big, warm home.

Before 9 p.m., I'd received an email about a boy that had died driving home from the *exact* soccer tournament my kids played in this weekend. I don't think there are even words for it. In a flash, a boy played soccer, then died. It could have been us. Oh, it could have been us so easily. You can help his family here: http://www.santaclarasporting.com/

I'm reminded again to live in the very moment. Life passes in a flash.

Five Lessons for Michelle Obama from the First Lady of Class -- My Mom

Dear Michelle,

I don't think there are words to describe how we feel about you being the next First Lady of the United States of America -- I can't imagine how you must feel.

I had a dream about you last night. In my dream, I was at my mom's house, and you were at the kitchen island having a glass of wine. My mom was laughing, you were laughing. Your girls were playing with Thing 1 and Thing 2 in the backyard. My parent's house, always warm and welcoming, was filled with more of the same. You were one of us.

I asked what you were doing there and you said you were getting advice from my mom. I nodded and walked out of the room. Of course you were getting advice from her, who wouldn't?

I woke up smiling. My mom has spend decades advising, guiding, leading top women in business and life. Her lessons have guided dozens of famous and near famous, powerful and influential people. Here are a few of my favorites:

1. There is always a storm. You will be looked to to be the calm that sees the cloudless sky off in the distance. However quietly, subtly, you must guide the ship in the right direction. Be the calm in the storm, mama always told me.

2. No one cares as much about anything you are or do as much as you do. So, the dramas of life are only what you let on. Don't bother feeding into drama. It's a waste of time.

3. Never curse. Never. It is simply not ladylike. Always be a lady.

4. Women are generally not truly liked by other women in business. In most ways, they are more competitive than men are with one-another. Use your wit, your mind and your smile to defeat threatened women.

5. You are a mother. There is nothing greater than this. Work/life balance is easy to attain when you've got that straight.

You will never read this, but mom will. And it was a cool dream. And I'm still trying to master these top five lessons from the First Lady of Class.

Grandma Loved the Cowboys

...so I hooked her up tonight to watch them play Monday Night Football tonight on the big screen. You probably have a better view from heaven, but just in case, you know.

Love you, abuelita. Miss you.

xoxo
me

The Band Played On

Last night Thing 1 talked me into buying him a hotdog (guess the organic pistachios and flat fruit didn't cut it.) at the Music in the Glen at WGE. As we were ordering, the old Kwanis Club man serving the food, began to collapse, his brain, you could see was being attacked -- aneurysm? stroke? He fell to the ground right in front of me, shaking violently from the seizures that overcame him. I was horrified, frozen.

I couldn't move back and I couldn't move forward, I was trying to stay calm for the kids and people scurried to his side. A beer-filled EMT screaming at us to lie him down, people screaming into their cellphones to 911 operators trying to be heard over the live music. The man's body just kept writhing, splattering salsa everywhere. I was saying over and over to myself, STOP SHAKING.

I looked down and the Things were both crying.

I sat down in the crowd to talk them through what they just saw. Thing 2 said she was crying because she didn't know if the man was good enough to go to heaven. Thing 1, well, he said through his tears that he was crying because the man died before he could give him his hotdog and he was *really* hungry.

I wanted to laugh outloud. I'm not sure why. The absurdity? The truth that comes from children? The kids were truly let down: no music, no hotdogs, no stickers from the fire fighters. I wasn't quite sure what to do. We said a quick prayer together and to hammer home the message, Thing 1 finished his prayer and asked if the hot dog man was dead could he go see the popcorn lady?

The ambulance pulled away, the music started again with the band leader saying, "I'm not sure if we have something in our playlist for this moment," then began playing "I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends..."

How Cool is Our Family?

Quotes from the Wonder Things

In chronological order while running errands yesterday:

1. Thing 1: Why is "W" sound like a "D"? double-u... see? A D?

2. Thing 2: What is Jambalaya? Can you get it as Jamba Juice?

3. Thing 1: The iPhone is a thermometer. I can tell if I have a fever with it.

4. Thing 2: It [the iPhone] can tell temperatures all over the world for all places and people and animals.

5. Thing 1: We. Will. Rock. You. What does it mean? Does it mean we're going to throw rocks at you? That would be bad.

6. Mommy: Can you please stop asking me "Why, Mommy" every two seconds?

7. Thing 2: Why?

8. Thing 1: I believe in God even though God is invisible because Wonder Woman is real and she can be invisible and she *also* has an invisible airplane.

9. Thing 1: I have a secret hole in my underwear just for boys [to the Ikea salesperson]. It's a *secret* pee hole.

First Barbecue of the Season

The Post Mortem

Jesus Was a Marshmallow

The Things had an interesting activity at preschool today to teach them about Lent and Easter.

From what La Gringa and I could gather, they took biscuit dough, stuck a marshmallow in the center, wrapped it up and baked them. The results were that the marshmallow melted, but the biscuit became sweet, describing how Christ's body remained but he rose from the dead.

Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ is a Marshmallow.

Children's Songs I Never Should Have Known

The Things are starting to love sing-songy rhythmic songs. They memorize them almost immediately and can bust out with a tune to everyone from the checkout stand at Safeway to an intimate dinner with the grandparents.

So far, I'm a rhyming nightmare. Pulling from my own bigoted childhood, here's what I've come up with so far from the delves of Kindergarten songs I remember:

"My name is L-I, L-I chick-a-lie, chick-a-lie, pom pom beauty don't like whiskey, Chinese, Japanese [pulling on my eyes to make them slanted] Indian chief!"

"Miss Lucy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell ding, ding, Miss Lucy went to heaven and the steamboat went to HELLo operator, please give me number 9, and if you disconnect me I will chop off your BEHIND the refrigerator, there was a piece of glass, Miss Lucy sat upon it and it went right up her ASSk me no more questions, I'll tell you no more lies, the boys are in the bathroom pulling down their FLIES are in the kitchen the bees are in the park, the boys are girls are kissing in the dark!"

"Whistle while you work! Hitler is a Jerk! Miss Mary pulled his willy and now it doesn't work!"

Oh man, I need a trip to Hicklebees.

Death, Life and the Bated Breath In-Between

My best friend's grandmother died at about Midnight on Thursday, just about an hour before our La-la went into labor.

I watched our beautiful niece come into the world after 29 hours of labor, mucked-up epidurals (two!), power outtages and extraordinary will.

Her beautiful cherry red lips and jet black are the true combination of her Slovak-Mexican parents. We're naming her Little Thing in this blog from today on, although her real name is so beautiful and suits her so well.

New life and old death...just yet another example of God's relentless pursuit of balance in our lives.

Yeah, we're actually this happy

What Happens at Thea...

Shhhhhh....it never happened. :)

Training Wheels Come Off Part II

Training Wheels Come Off!

Look at her go! (She got even a few more pedals in on the next ride!)

My Best Friend's Kid Has Asperger's

...just found out last week. Still reeling, even though I, of course knew some form of Autism was the likely diagnosis.

We decided in a drunken stupor do redecorate her room as her retail therapy. I'm looking for chaises and hunting down paint colors. It's the only goddamn thing I can do to help.

Update: Askville folks had some great resources for family friends of Asperger's kids. Read the suggestions here.

"You Didn't Say 'Soccer'...You Said 'Fucker'

We're in Snowbird cuddled up watching AI, dipping in the in-room hot tub, drinking near-beer and spending some kickass time with the kids. They are a fricking crackup.

Last night driving in the snow in the dark, some dork left on his brights when coming around the curb and blinded my driving; I said "Fuck," which promptly was repeated in the backseat: "FUCK! FU-CKKK! WHAT'S FUCK, MOMMY?!"

La Gringa of course, covered up with She said, "Sucks." They bought it.

A second driver zooming by a 60mph on a road I was driving at 20mph and it just slipped, "You Fucker!" in which Thing 2 says "You said 'FUCK. YOU DIDN'T SAY SUCKER, AND YOU DIDN'T SAY SOCCER. YOU SAID FUCKER!"

Falling into fits of laughter, our family trip begins: happy, funny, silly kidlets. La Gringa and I cracking up. I think La Gringa got it right when she said, "This is my favorite group of people, period."

The Playdate...isn't Me.

The Things have a playdate today, one of the first of its kind. The girl was dropped off at our house, the kids ran into the bedroom and closed the door. They've been laughing a giggling and fully engaged.

I am thrilled for my kids, but a bit, I dunno, jealous? I offered to make brownies with them and they just ignored me. I guess I'm going to have to step-up my tactics if I want to get in on the fun.

I'm sitting here, wondering when playdates turned from my girlfriends and I drinking wine and watching the kids toddle and bobble around before falling into a heap of exhaustion from sheer social engagement to today where I stand in my kitchen with a preheated oven alone with Betty Crocker wondering if they'll let me play too....