Slow as Molassas...Kiss My Ass Internet

Somewhere in the days after Thanksgiving comes the surge of panic. Everyone is shopping, late for deadlines, running out of time, stressed out beyond the capability of Lexapro and, broke. If there is such urgency, then why does everyone and everything move so damn slow in December?

Everything, everything seems to slow down like lingering effects of that dang triptophan. The F-in Internet is slow as hell. Try to order Christmas cards from Shutterfly...it'll fuck you silly. There is no fricking way that Shutterfly is so stupid that they can't figure out to perhaps S.C.A.L.E. during busy seasons? How about Nordstrom.com which in some freaky way is integrated with Amazon.com and if you've got orders in one place, it completely jacks you in the other. Like I am only going to shop in one place for all of Christmas? Um, yeah.

How about parking? How about browsing shops? How about getting your friends to respond to personal emails? How about your ever-present consultants fully available in January, but exercising their damn right to not be employees and f-ing disappear the Wednesday before Thanksgiving? Everything gets so slow that it's nearly impossible to do anything but join in the mix of droning slowness.

I run on an RPM that would burn the vinyl off my Neil Diamond collection. I'm not saying that this is a good thing, but 'nuff said that can't wait until January.